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My 2v2 team is actually identical. I haven't found a reason to spec out of 41/20/0 yet but I'm also interested in PVE viability and this spec is the best I've found for both PVE and PVP viability.
Our team was most successful when my partner was full Demonology spec. He is Affliction now, and the lack of Soul Link along with his inability to utilize a pet which is an actual threat (Felguard) makes him as squishy as possible. Any team that focus fires me first is an utter shock to both of us, and we almost always kill our first target and do decent damage to the second target before I am burned down. When they focus him, we're lucky to have one of their players half dead by the time my partner is down and then I just pray he got enough DOTs off to kind of even my odds.
In regards to your first question, you want to stack stamina and resilience but you don't want to completely gimp yourself. Sometimes it doesn't make sense to just stack stamina gems, and Jagged Talasite isn't a bad PVP gem at all. The PVP gear from honor and from Arena points is actually decent stuff though. Your Attack Power and your crit shouldn't be too bad if you have a good chunk of that gear. If you're buying it all at once I'd recommend equipping everything and figuring out where you're short. Ideally, you want 10k-11k health with a decent amount of resilience.
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