10 Things to do Before Quitting WoW (Part: Orange)

6) Camp Someone Worse than you.

Everyone has their enemies in life. America had the USSR, Jordan had Malone, and the Krusty Krab had Plankton. Not surprisingly World of Warcraft isnt any different. There are those that go well beyond the casual annoyance or every day asshole, and as such, must be countered with extra levels of retribution. You engage and kill me in a spirited bout of world pvp and I will take my win or loss graciously. However, if you come near me when I am questing or gank me when engaging a mob, than prepare for me to come after you with all kinds of crazy shit.

As touched on earlier, the behavior of your typical WoW player is hard for most functional members of society to understand. As such I will give a brief crash course on the thinking of your every day World of Warcraft player. Despite what most think, they are not unique snow flakes, so the following behavior patterns apply for ~98.7% of the population.

Situation: Opposing faction player of a class that is, generally, the rock to your scissor runs into your line of sight.
Response: If the opposing player is below 50% health and, if applicable, low on mana, pop all cool downs and attack. If attack is unsuccessful, post a "@[PlayerName]" thread on the wowforums linking photo shopped pictures of the person humping a Cantaloupe (or Papaya, depending on your place of residence).


Situation: Opposing faction player of a class that, generally, is the scissor to your rock runs into your line of sight.
Response: Attack the player recklessly, disregarding you're own level of gear and your current health and mana status. Die horribly as your blues and greens fail to do much damage to a lethal combination of Sun Well Plateau gear and (gasp!) skill. Follow up this epic failure by doggedly stalking the opposing player as he finishes his dailies, constantly looking for an opening to get the best of your reluctant pray. Upon failure, make a post in the wow class forums demanding buffs and/or nerfs to the opposing class.


Situation: New patch/expansion notes are released tuning an over powered skill that your class has been using to ridiculous success for the past 6 months.
Response: This response is two fold and what I like to call the "Deny and Displace" argument. First, deny up and down that the ability that is being tuned is not, in any way, imbalanced (see: frost mages with arcane power, 2x trinkets, dw fury warriors in aq40+Naxx gear, Rogues in full PvE gear and cheat death for arenas, etc). Deny, deny, deny and when people try to "get serious" with you, deny some more and call them fat because, chances are, if you are arguing with someone about wow mechanics, you might be over weight.

The 2nd part of this response, Displace, involves ludicrous ideas for how the mechanic "should be" balanced. For example, if a rogue is too powerful in dps, you shouldn't nerf the rogue, you should, instead, nerf warriors (note, this is a real statement, and if you can figure out the logic behind it, chances are you have brain cancer). Its not your fault the ability is overpowered, its clearly someone else's!

Situation: A girl asks you out on a date.
Response: "Sorry, raiding Karazhan tonight."

Situation: Someone beats you in a duel.
Response: "You have no life and live in your parents basem-- I ALREADY TOOK THE TRASH OUT MOM!"

Situation: You beat someone in a duel.
Response: "You suck. I am awesome."

Situation: You meet a girl ingame.
Response: Senseless blabbering and flirting until everyone around you quits the game, changes guilds, or murders themselves to get away from the vent conversations.




With your new found understanding one can now engage, or not, the average wow player and know how he will react before he even does! However, for that other 1.3%.... there might be trouble.

Research has shown that with the right combination of racism, selfishness, assholianism(its a disease!), and loneliness the every day asshole can evolve into so much more. Each is unique in its own way, and all have developed like weeds, seeming to spring up over night and impossible to completely stamp out. Its with these special children that the #6 thing everyone must do before quitting wow finally comes in:

Camping
Someone jumps you, you jump them right back. Its the way of the street just as much as it is the way of the wow server. The only real skill in camping a player is making sure you choose the right person to camp. There is no need to camp someone that doesnt deserve it (seriously rogues, there is no reason). When you do find someone that deservers it, make sure to ask yourself these 3, very important, questions:

1) Do I have a significant gear advantage?
2) Does my class/spec have a significant advantage over his?
3) Is the graveyard at which this person will spawn at far enough away for me to drink/heal to full and my cool downs to be ready again?


It is important to run over this 'check list' before beginning any battle otherwise you may become the victim of the dreaded "reverse camp" which has left many people chaffed in the nether region. For me, I am always friends with the mages. A mage camps me and I just smile and say to myself "wait till my warlock is leveled you cock smith" and go along my way, bowing to my cool down popping over lords.





The important thing is that, at the end of the day, its all just a game. Sure the mage that has found all the little nooks and crannys on the Island where he can attack you without fear of guard retribution might be annoying... he may even make you want to smash your fist into something (his face) but one must always remember that its just a game. Be friends with the classes that always get the better of you and take your anger out on those that you have an easy time with. In the end its best to be polite to everyone and treat others as you wish to be treated.





....Except Rogues. Put them in their fucking place.