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The Grocery Store Can Be Educational!
Posted 12/10/09 at 12:56 PM by Robespierre
Dear internet friends,
Today, while at the grocery store, I overheard a bagger telling a clerk his secret in getting women to be his steady lady. Two words: Olive Garden.
"I treat my women real good; take them someplace fancy like Olive Garden. I pay for it and everything."
I had groceries in my hand and could not write down his exact words or many of his other pearls of wisdom so I will try to reconstruct his other reasons the ladies love him.
"I take them for rides in my Honda CR-X that I tried to trick out with a body kit but got confused halfway through so now the front bumper-skirt hangs dangerously close to the road and the inside smells like Axe Body Spray and acute desperation (and perhaps lonely, furious masturbation to the box cover of Too Fast, Too Furious)."
"I make sure I tell my women that if we go dutch at the Olive Garden that I will leave the tip since I'm good like that."
Sadly, other nuggets of lady pleasing wisdom are lost to the ages but I keep a vigil at this grocery store in hopes of learning how to make ladies all gooshy.
Today, while at the grocery store, I overheard a bagger telling a clerk his secret in getting women to be his steady lady. Two words: Olive Garden.
"I treat my women real good; take them someplace fancy like Olive Garden. I pay for it and everything."
I had groceries in my hand and could not write down his exact words or many of his other pearls of wisdom so I will try to reconstruct his other reasons the ladies love him.
"I take them for rides in my Honda CR-X that I tried to trick out with a body kit but got confused halfway through so now the front bumper-skirt hangs dangerously close to the road and the inside smells like Axe Body Spray and acute desperation (and perhaps lonely, furious masturbation to the box cover of Too Fast, Too Furious)."
"I make sure I tell my women that if we go dutch at the Olive Garden that I will leave the tip since I'm good like that."
Sadly, other nuggets of lady pleasing wisdom are lost to the ages but I keep a vigil at this grocery store in hopes of learning how to make ladies all gooshy.
Total Comments 6
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Hey girl,
You know our economy's in the toilet But I'm still going to treat you right I said you can have whatever you like (if you like) I said you can have whatever you like (if you like) yeah, yeah Tater tots, Cold Duck on ice And we can clip coupons all night And baby you can have whatever you like (if you like) I said you can have whatever you like (if you like) yeah, yeah Take you out for dinner, anywhere that you please Like Burger King or Mickey Ds And baby you can have whatever you like (if you like) I said you can even have the large fries (large fries) yeah, yeah Baby, you should know I am really quite a sweet guy When I buy you bathroom tissue I always get the two-ply Want it, you can get it, my dear I got my Costco membership card right here, yeah You like Top Ramen, need Top Ramen Got a cupboard full of 'em, I'll keep 'em coming You want it, I got it, go get it, just heat it Dump the flavor packet on it and eat it Pork and beans and Minute Rice And we can play Cribbage all night And baby you can have whatever you like (if you like) I said you can have whatever you like (if you like) yeah, yeah I can take you to the laundromat downtown And watch all the clothes go round and round And baby we can go wherever you like (if you like) I said we can go wherever you like (if you like) yeah, yeah Hottest shorty I know, if you had some lipo You could be second-runner-up Miss Ohio Seven dollar bills rolled Up inside my plastic billfold Buy you a bagel even if it isn't day old And you never ever gotta wear your sister's old clothes As long as I'm still assistant manager at Kinko's Cut your hair with scissors and a soup bowl You ain't got to pay me, that's the way that I roll My chick can have want she want At Wal-mart she can pick out anything she want I know girl you ain't never had a man like that Who doesn't make you buy generic brand like that, Yeah You like my Hyundai, see my Hyundai I can take you to see your cousin Phil next Sunday But that's kind of far and I'm not made of cash Do you think you could chip in for gas? Mac and Cheese would be all right But let's send out for pizza tonight And you can order any toppings you like (if you like) I said you can even have the last slice (the last slice) yeah, yeah Ran myself a cable from my neighbor next do' Now I can get free HBO And baby you can watch whatever you like (if you like) I said you can watch whatever you like (if you like) yeah And you can always ride the city bus Got a stack of tokens just for us Yo, my wallet's fat and full of ones It's all about the Washingtons, that's right You want White Castle, need White Castle Long as you got me it won't be no hassle You want it, we'll get it, just don't be a hater If I grab a bunch of napkins for later Thrift store jeans on sale half-price The underwear at Goodwill is nice And baby you can have whatever you like (if you like) I said you can have whatever you like (if you like) yeah, yeah Baby, I can give you anything you please Even share my government cheese And baby you can have as much as you like (if you like) I said you can have as much as you like (if you like) yeah, yeah |
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Quote:
...someplace fancy like Olive Garden.
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Let's be fair, here. Olive Garden never had any shred of credibility as a respectable dining institution.
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emptyrepublic, are you retarded?
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Do you work at Olive Garden?
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Being Italian, I HATE Olive Garden. But even I'm not one to pass up on the "Never Ending Pasta Bowl" for 8 bucks. The bread sticks are pretty decent too.
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Recent Blog Entries by Robespierre
- The Grocery Store Can Be Educational! (12/10/09)
- More Fun Than You Ever Imagined (06/01/08)
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