Punches fly, and I sigh (HAHAHA IT RHYMES)

I have many stories, and being an unemployed asshole I have the time now to post them. This however, happen the past weekend and is another tale of how the people I meet are flawed creatures. Once again I end up feeling like the only sane person in this shit storm, but the delicious hilarity from the suffering of others made the night worth it.

The night began with me being woken from a nap by a 200 lbs + man jumping on top of me. He is of arab descent, and hence forth will hold the title of "The Arab." As it would turn out, he and my roommate had been drinking Jack Daniels, and decided to bug the fuck out of me. Now a little back story is needed on the Arab to fully appreciate his sadness which spawns from the upcoming events. He is fat and overweight, and is socially dysfunctional in the sense he is a total asshole. He is the guy who hollers at girls walking down the street, yells at waiters for supposed "shitty service," and is generally all around obnoxious. I should note that this is amusing in many occasions because he never gets it. Somehow, this failure managed to nab an incredibly attractive girlfriend who was younger and basically a dream catch(she played video games and shit). After dating her for three years, he breaks up with her for some contrived and stupid reason. A month later he gets back together with her, dumps her again, and she moves on. He is left in a state of utter whinning and bitching about "losing" her for the next 3 months (which was great to give him shit about). In this past month, he has made friends with a girl in one of his summer classes, and he has lusted after her. Lo and behold, he tells me how she invited him over to a party at her place that night (my roommate and I were invited as well).

So you have a socially inept unattractive guy going after a very cute girl. And let me be clear, this guy is worse than manley with women, so him getting the one girlfriend is just . Well we head over, and pick up my roommate's girlfriend on the way. The Arab immediately starts being obnoxious to her, and she turns around. Pretty much a dick. Anyways, this girl he likes gets him to buy ice to bring to the party like a bitch, and he does. So with his fat ass lugging a sack of ice + beer, we get to the apartment complex. It is a small chill party with people I got to nerd out with (fun fact: most bros have nerd in them, and you can bring it out for fun and justice), even finding a cool girl who liked Daft Punk(I have a ng though and I wouldn't cheat because I'm not a fric). A new group of people show up, and they are a bunch of jews. Being a lapsed jew myself I felt it necessary to jew out with them for fun times. Calling every other person a gentile and them having no clue is good fun when you are drunk. Meanwhile, the ladies are out dancing and grinding with all the guys. The Arab, being anti-social, sits on the damn couch all night. My roommate makes an ass of himself, and basically gets thrown out of the party. Turns out making holocaust jokes with srs bsns jews around is downright moronic. Before this though, he ends up hitting on a girl and takes pictures of them kissing on his phone.

All the while, the girl the Arab wanted ended up taking a liking to another guy at the party. As the party started to end, I over heard her asking this other guy to spend the night. Now, I was bailing with the jews, and the Arab tags along because he doesn't want to go home alone. He over hears us talking about the situation with his girl, and he starts to mope like hell. He rants on and on, and then one of the girls turns to me and says "Your friend needs to learn out of his league." Queue amusement for me.

Anyways, he ends up wandering off, and I grab some drunk food before heading home. I end up eating and relaxing in my room playing some EVE, basically sober at this point. Then my phone rings, and the caller ID says it is my roommate. This is basically a :welp: moment for me because it is never ever good news. And it turns out it is his girlfriend and she starts blathering about getting punched and bleeding. I freak out and think my roommate has struck his gf, and start making plans to call the cops. She calls me back, and it turns out it was my roommate who had gotten punched. As it would so happen, when she came to let him in (wearing only her underwear) a group of african american guys started yelling at her. My roommate being the dumbass that he is then turned and started screaming at them to pick a fight. 3 black guys vs his drunk ass, and one of them ends up clocking him. His tooth gets dislodged, and his mouth is bleeding all over.

His gf upon getting in the house, checks his phone and sees the pictures he has taken with the other girl at the party earlier. She then ended up punching him in the face herself, and called me to come walk his dumbass home. Now, people who know me in SC and SCP understand that I am a sucker for my roommates, and I of course go and get him. When I get to his gf's house, he is outside crying and screaming. Escorting him home, he kept yelling about wanting to get a gun and kill all the -insert n word here-. The area I live is predominately black, so this was just fucking shitty. Running past people in the streets, I manage to get him home. I gave him motrin and made sure he got into his room. I then get another call from his gf demanding to know what happened with the girl at the party, and I was forced to tell her it was him being drunk and meant nothing. At this point it was 4 am, so I said fuck it and started looking up dentists, because my roommate was going to need a good one. Also at this point, I broke into laughter, which I had held in the entire time. The whole situation of him getting socked in the face and basically losing a tooth was amusing beyond belief.

The story doesn't end, because the very next day I end up getting a late lunch with my roommate, his gf, and the Arab. My roommate had a shitty plastic retainer in to hold his dislodged tooth in place, and the Arab was sullen and heartbroken. The entire time I made fun of them for basically being idiots and general fuck ups. It was this lunch that made doing stupid shit for my roommates worth it.

Oh, also because I got zero sleep, when my gf came over later in the evening I fell asleep with her watching a movie on my bed. I didn't get any and I ended up missing SCP's raid. Hahaha, I'm an idiot.

Note: this has shitty tenses and probably tons of errors, deal with it.