Short Story 1: Whale Wars

So, there was an incident that happened this past week, and although short I guarantee it is amusing. So, in my current house I have the old roommates with two new additions. One of these newcomers is an international man of mystery, and is never around. This story doesn't concern him.

Well, new roommate hates one of my old roommates who is overweight. We shall dub him fatty for now since he is overweight, and makes no effort to change his lifestyle. Well, new roommate and fatty have had bad blood between them due to the new roommate making every effort to not have the fat roommate come to the new house (going so far as to lie about when the lease was signed so he would miss it and then get another person instead). Now, the fat one currently lives on my floor and is unclean to say the least. I regularly find shit in our shared living space (dirty clothes, plates), and I throw them in his room, plus bitch him out. But it isn't worth getting worked up over.

The fat roommate has two bags of generic, bagged cereal in the kitchen. He makes messes all the time, whether it be when he cooks entire bags of tatter tots in one sitting or leaves dishes unclean for weeks. At is so happened he spilled some cereal on the floor, and when confronted claimed it wasn't his. He said people other than himself ate from his cereal, and as such wasn't his responsibility. The cereal sat there for a week, and the new roommate got furious. He stated, that after another week (he was going on a trip to New York), if the cereal wasn't cleaned up he would throw out all the bags in retaliation. Well, a week goes by and the cereal isn't cleaned up. The new roommate asks one more time if fatty would clean up his mess, and once again the response was a resounding no.

Cue new roommate hurling two large bags of cereal out the window. As soon as this happens, fatty lunges across and slaps new roommate right in the face. The new roommate doesn't take this sitting down and decks fatty. Now, you might be thinking this is like Ahab and moby dick, however the new roommate is of almost equal weight to fatty. So you have two grown, very overweight fat men wrestling on the ground over roughly 10 pieces of cereal left on the floor. And as crazy as my roommates are, and the shit I go through, you have to admit that is a pretty damn funny sight to see.